8:52 pm

Blame shifting in relationships

On a good Wednesday night, I told myself I was done with this relationship. I was done trying to keep this relationship sexually pure. The relationship had to be the real reason why I was not enjoying my relationship with Jesus anymore. We were beginning to kiss and touch again. I was ready to walk away, ready to throw in the towel in this Christ founded relationship. I was tired of compromising. Meeting sister Dorcas was so I could get the last counsel and wanted all the fingers pointed at this great Christian guy. I didn't want to take any of the blame so I went for my counseling session with Sister Dorcas.


Sister Dorcas just visited my campus fellowship that evening. We just had a great interactive session about having a Christ-centered Courtship and keeping it holy. The word Holy! Holy!! Holy!!! Was ringing over and over in my head. I wasn't going to leave this meeting without speaking with her. I wanted her to counsel me again about this relationship of mine. This relationship was certainly the root of my sexual falling and rising. I met sister Dorcas and told her how it was the guy's fault. How he was the one leading me away from my love for God. How he was the one who isn't sticking to the boundaries... Blablabla. She listened to me and after my long epistle she told me something that shocked me "sister what if it's all your fault?"


My eyes grew bigger and rounder. I was amazed. How could all this be my fault? I don't want to kiss, I just want to live holy. I know my relationship is rooted in Christ but these sins just seem to be going nowhere. She ended that session by telling me this "deal with your sexual root". My sexual root? How? Why? What? What does it mean? I wasn't sure but I knew I used to be involved in a lot of things in my past. I know there was pornographic videos, masturbating and a whole lot of childhood curiosities being answered by experimenting without guidance.

So I kind of started going back to my past to dig out this root. I thought I was just to move on and got very holy relationship / Courtship before marriage. I wanted all the fruits of a cleansed heart and I wanted all the benefits of having a sexually pure singlehood but I had a root I hadn't dealt with. Deep roots of lust. So here is it sweetie "deal with the root".
What is the root of your sexual kiss kiss, touch touch journey? If you don't handle these roots and allow the spirit of God uproot them out then you might be dealing with a time bomb. All you need to start feeling lovey-dovey again and boom! You begin to lust again. Most times we try to deal with the fruits instead of the root. Why did you start having sex in the first place? What led you to make that decision? What led to your first time ever MASTURBATING? Therein lies a root.

When I carried out a little research, I realized that getting to the root of the problem helps you deal with this issue of not being able to remain chaste in Courtship. How did you lose your virginity and why? These are important questions to answer. When does lust get triggered in your heart? How does it all begin? What events happen before you get sexual involved? Deal with these issues personally and collectively.


Physical boundaries are important for you to stay chaste but how about boundaries of your heart. The heart is where the real issue starts from. Sometimes we think just dealing with it physically is enough. Deal with it from your heart, from the real issue. Our lives are not led from the external, it's from the internal out. So when you haven't shifted your mind and focus on thinking of sexual thoughts then you are likely to fall again. Inside your heart is the main issue, it is the main problem. Deal with it. The question you might as is HOW?. Its very simple, renew your mind and change your thought patterns. You are in control of your thoughts they are never in control of you.


Try this little exercise, shut your eyes for 2 minutes and think about the best day of your life. The happiest moment ever, that moment you felt so proud of yourself. Focus on that thought and nothing else. You can tell that suddenly you begin to feel happy. You begin to feel so joyful. Try repeating this exercise for the most annoying day of your life. Focus on that annoying day and you will tell that there will be a change in how you feel. Your thoughts can be changed, they even change all the time. That's one reason why you cannot even rely on them. In there is the real issue. Take responsibility for your thoughts, when you take responsibility for them. It will certainly change your life and lead you on this path to sexual pure relationships.

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